We Like It This Way
by Kitty O
Summary: In which every secret of Camelot is very closely guarded... Officially. Or a very confused OC plot device is ready to cry. Thanks, Merlin. Crack. No slash.


_This is just a little something I came up with, but I'm not even sure if it's crackish or if I'm being serious… This is assuming the Coming of Arthur never happened, okay? _

**We Like It This Way**

The newest servant of the Pendragon household looked around, awed by all the pretty clothes and manners at the feast. There was a huge roast, and the tables were filled with food and drink. Andrew didn't have anyone to serve at the moment, and he couldn't very well eat anything, so he contented himself with getting an eyeful. Camelot was so rich… It truly was amazing.

"You know, with your mouth open like that, you'll catch flies."

Andrew turned to see the King's servant standing behind him, smiling knowingly. Grinning, Andrew made an effort to stop gawking.

"M'sorry," he mumbled. "It's all just so lovely here."

"Yes," agreed the servant. "And the decorations and food are pretty too."

At Andrew's confused look, Merlin laughed.

"I was talking about the decorations and food," he said, not seeing the joke, but Merlin didn't elaborate.

Instead, the King's servant just handed Andrew a goblet of wine. "Here, do something with that. Drink it or something—I'm a complete lightweight and Gaius would kill me if I got drunk."

Andrew had to smile at the fellow servant's friendliness. "Where'd _you_ get it from?"

"Ah… I don't… That's odd." A puzzled expression crossed his pale, angular face. "I don't remember."

"Maybe you already drank some?" guessed Andrew, moving away to pass off the goblet.

"No, wait!" Merlin snapped, calling the brown-haired servant back, and yanked the drink from his hands. Merlin studied it for a second, declared it "clever", and dumped it into a nearby potted plant.

"Wha…?" Andrew stared at him, completely confused. "Why did you just…?" His green eyes flickered in concern; was the servant _mad_?

"That was meant for me," the servant explained, and pointed to the plant.

It was smoking, withering, dying.

Andrew's mouth dropped. "That was a magic poison!"

Merlin nodded with a sigh. "You catch on quick… It was a nice try."

"Someone tried to kill you!" exclaimed Andrew in horror, uncomprehending why anyone would do that.

Merlin nodded again and glanced over his shoulder. "Yes, the Lady Morgana."

"_What?"_

"Hm?" Merlin looked back at him. "Sorry, yes, she does that from time to time. Of course, she hasn't gotten me yet… Or Arthur, for that matter, though she keeps trying."

Andrew took a step back, eyes flitting around for Lady Morgana. "You know… and you don't care?"

"Of course I care… But there's not much I can do, is there? Besides, it's a little entertaining… _Watch out_!"

Merlin pushed Andrew to the side, threw his hand up, and his eyes flashed gold. A dagger, spiraling through the air, froze and dropped on the floor. The Lady Morgana, on the throwing end of it, scowled.

Merlin glared. "Let up, will you?" He pointed to Andrew. "He's new!" Morgana nodded curtly, smirking, and drifted away.

Andrew, meanwhile, was having a sort of breakdown. "You… you just used magic! In Camelot!"

Merlin shushed him. "Not so loud!"

"But… but… what? I mean, everyone just saw you… KING ARTHUR just saw you!" Andrew could barely form coherent words, and Merlin looked over to see the King giving him an uncomfortable glare.

"Oh, yes,_ that_ doesn't make a difference."

"He_ knows_?" Andrew's mind was spinning. It made him feel sick, and all he could think was: _murder magic king death illegal magic murder illegal death king AHHHHHH!_

Merlin looked amused. "No, of course not. Not officially."

"Officially?"

"Of course he's _seen_ it… He just pretends not to notice. Arthur doesn't want to go through the mess of arresting me and having us yell at each other and our friendship being harmed… No, it's easier to turn a blind eye for now. But I guess I'll have to tell him eventually."

Andrew's eyes were about out of his sockets. "That makes no sense!"

"Sure it does. Oh, there's Gwen." Merlin waved at a serving girl across the room, and Andrew turned to look at her.

"Merlin…" he asked hesitantly. "Did the King just go hug that girl?"

"Yes."

Poor Andrew. He was about ready to explode. "And no one cares? Isn't he supposed to be finding a noble wife?"

"Oh, yes, but don't worry. That won't happen."

"But… everyone saw them hug."

"No," said Merlin, "not officially."

Andrew's head wanted to introduce itself to the nearest wall. "So let me get this straight. The Lady Morgana wants to kill you and King Arthur."

"Yes."

"And you are okay with this?"

"No, I stop her."

"But you don't tell anyone… Because they already know, I assume? Unofficially, they know she's a murder waiting to happen."

"Yes."

"And then everyone knows – unofficially – that you are using magic in Camelot, but no one says anything because that would make things complicated?"

"Yes. It will be horrible when they find out officially… There will be tears and dungeons…" Merlin closed his eyes in horror.

"And the King likes that servant girl over there, but it's a secret, so everyone knows?"

"…Yes!"

"_WHY_?" demanded the servant, highly out of line and not caring.

Merlin smiled kindly. "We like it this way." 

"You _what_?"

"Andrew," explained Merlin with a sigh. "We're happy this way. Arthur doesn't want to deal with the fact that I'm magic, because he's busy and can't deal with it. He's okay with it, but he knows he'll have to go through mounds of paperwork and execution stuff were I ever discovered and accused. And Morgana… she liked trying to kill us. Besides, she's Arthur's half-sister; where else would she go? If she left, I wouldn't be able to keep an eye on her. And this way, I know I can defeat her. Her evil sister doesn't know I have magic, you see. Morgana can't tell her. Officially. And Arthur and Gwen… They're happy together. No one in Camelot wants to spoil that."

Andrew chewed his lip, having completely forgotten that he was here to be serving people. "So this is all a big game to all of you?"

"In a way."

"And all of Camelot's okay with this?"

"We're all happy."

Andrew thought he would be sick or faint. "Is there anything else I should know before I work here?"

"I'm a dragonlord, and we of Camelot attract immortal invaders semi-annually."

_Bang. Clatter. Thud. _

Andrew fainted. Merlin sighed and bent down, feeling for a pulse. Just to make sure; this was the third this week.

He didn't understand. Life in Camelot wasn't _that _complicated, was it?

The next day, Andrew quit and jumped on the first horse out of town. Understandably.


End file.
